The Worst Sherlock Holmes (a sketch)

I let the man into our flat. Holmes was sitting in his chair near the fireplace.
“Holmes, may I introduce….”
“NO! Don’t tell me!” he ejaculated as he leapt from his chair. He hurried over to the man and looked at the dog tags around his neck.
“Kevin Freely,” he read. “And you were in the military.” This wasn’t a question.
“Well…” said Kevin.
“You ARE in the military.”
“I had these done on the Internet.”
“Hm. Quite,” said Holmes. There was an awkward silence.
“Well I am positive you watch Breaking Bad and enjoy Superman! My incredible deductions have proved it!” Holmes smiled.
Kevin and I glanced at each other uncomfortably.
“Um…I’m wearing a Breaking Bad shirt and a Superman cap,” said Kevin.
More silence.
“Yeah. I think I will find another detective.” Kevin turned and left the flat. Holmes watched him cross the street, a blank expression on his face.
Suddenly Mrs. Hudson entered our rooms. “The rent is due Mr. Holmes! You’re a month late! I’m going to have to kick you two out!”
My friend waved her away and went back to his cocaine.

7/16/2014

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