How To Write a Check

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(Or a “cheque” if you are not American)

Stop writing checks. This is a very important suggestion. Join the 21st century and use a debit card. There is no reason in this day and age to even use a checkbook anymore. Except for the check register, get rid of that shit.

But let’s say you just cannot part with your Wizard of Oz checks, or whatever kooky stylized ones you may have. Here’s how you write a check. You are at the check-out lane. While the cashier is ringing up your order, you stop talking about the weather and write down all the information you need onto the check. I forgot to add that you should already have the checkbook out right after putting all your items on the belt. Especially women who have a purse the size of a suitcase and can’t find anything in it ever.

So you are writing all the information you need: name of the store, any ID/phone number you may need, and your signature. Then when they are done ringing your order, you put in the total. Rip that motherfucker out and give it to the cashier. When they give you your receipt, you put it in the check register and get the fuck out of the way of the next customer. Don’t just stand there figuring numbers while someone is trying to pay. Get the fuck out of the way.

You figure out the numbers in your car or at home. If you can’t remember to do that, maybe you shouldn’t have checks in the first place (i.e. see: first paragraph).

I can’t stress enough how you shouldn’t even have checks. Did I mention that? I can understand not having credit cards. Those things can be dangerous if you don’t know how to handle them correctly (ME!!). This is where a debit card comes in. You use it like a credit card and then subtract figures when you are anywhere BUT still in the check-out lane. I shouldn’t even have to say this, but some may not be aware. Awareness of others is another big problem with some of those who use checks.

See, when you decide to be a part of society, you have to be considerate to others. This means getting the fuck out of the way when it is someone else’s turn. I cannot stress this point enough. In fact, it’s the most important one there is. That’s why writing checks is bad, because it is not efficient. Things work smoother when it resembles an assembly line.

Don’t be the rusty cog. And don’t write checks.

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